...right now ::sigh::

please dont act like your shit dont stink

"...just cause im doing better now dont mean i never lost shit. i was married to a state of mind, now i divorced it."

tell me youre that somebody

not a huge fan of r&b, i'll admit, buttttt if there is one female artist that i respect and deserves recognition on blackbean31.blogspot it has to be miss aaliyah. i just found out her birthday passed as did my brothers. needless to say, it hasnt been a good week for me. my head is all over the place. from financial stress to issues of loyalty, im sooooo lucky to have mr.beyond (my somebody) to run to. he makes life worth loving and is definitely my reason to smile nowadays.

i remember coming home to my brother telling me she was in a fatal airplane accident. we put on hot97 and just listened her jam. i remember feeling so sad, like i really lost someone i cared about. who would of thought i would sit here today experiencing that same loss to the tenth power AHHHHH! ::sigh:: heres to aaliyah. she was dope as fuck. sing to my brother as you rest in peace, darling.

and heres a word from our sponsors....

gusy, youre in music heaven. chillin with all the greats. im quite envious.

-janice

the life and times of j_rooks31

hello, fellow blogsters! how ive missed you so! time to catch up. first in the agenda? ...i have crossed over into the wild. the wild world of twitter that is. i'll admit, i cheated on fb, i created an account years ago, tweeted twice, got dressed and bounced lol ....well, things arent that simple nowadays, i went crying back begging to be taken seriously again HA! anyhow, cant get enough of me? feel free to follow me, loves. @j_rooks31. kinda sounds like my rap name or something lol

currently obsessed with- the auctioning of the 1992 batmobile featured in batman returns. i want? hellFUCKINGyeah! ::starts collection can of nicks and dimes:: if you catch my drift

ahhhh! lookie what i found. oh dear, dear ::looks around:: i think i've wet myself:

march 8th's album cover. excited? understatement of the decade :)

currently smell like- an awkward situation

throwback memory of the day-

the little DRUNK sister and I at our cousin's wedding this past summer. my little christian enthusiast had the first drink and a half of her life and was feeling niceeeeee. instead of raising that wooden cross to sweet 8 lb baby jesus, lets just say the wine bottle was getting bean-like amore. hilarious, to say the least. we have our up's and god knows we have our

L

O

W

downs, buttttttt this girl right here is my heart. and i know i dont say it enough, but i love her more than anything left on this planet. my little motivation to do anything.

currently listening to-

currently praying for- A WIN! vamos, mi barcelona! VAMOS!!!

stay tuned.

-rooks

download me

while its not the gorillaz that i fell head over heels for, its nonetheless new music which im in dire need of. it was supposedly created all on a single ipad while on tour. 15 tracks is very impressive, but still a bit reluctant to label it genius. i am however giving it a chance and all my flavorless readers should too.

download me :)

Gorillaz - The Fall

HIP-HOP ONLY DESTROY? ::laughs:: TELL 'EM LOOK AT ME, BOY!

MY show goes on

2010 changed me. him leaving me to rest in peace affects me every single day. some days are more difficult than others. some days destroy me and leave me with little will power to do anything really. other days motivate me to be everything he was or IS in our lives. to be more than just a daughter or more than just a sister within my family. 2010. literally, a year of heartache. ive lost more than i could ever describe, but in that loss, hope found me. love found me. LIFE found me.

my soul has been overcome with optimism for 2011. if all goes according to plan (which it never does, but i embrace spontaneity so fuck it) ...i'll be registering for classes in February. theres a substance abuse counseling license that john jay offers after completing the BA program, but before having to do the master's program. my little brown-beaned eyes are on it. im only a couple of credits away to obtaining the license since the majority of the classes i took for my BA fall into the same criteria. shouldnt be too difficult. the main squeeze and i are planning a trip to spain some time in the early summer hopefully. it will become our soccer hiatus (ironcally, currently watching the valencia 1/espanyol 1 game) and lastly which is of most importance to me is hooking up my attic apartment. its been an long overdue project. ive painted so i really need to put my little interior decorating skills to work and furnish my love pad :)

i thought this was very appropriate for the overall vibe of this post:

enjoy!

-beans

on a lighter note...

i've never been so turned on by bubble gum, blue vomit and bondage masks. well not since sunday. what? does no one else celebrate shit-faced sundays, anymore? lol this should definitely be a quick add to your current workout playlist, fellow blog- enthusiasts!

(courtesy of mr.beyond)

oh the irony...

with nowhere to go last night, except the vip section of club bed, dressed head to toe in boredom couture, i uncharacteristically decided to surf channels. im not a "surf channels", kind of chick might i add. i know what i like and tune in frequently to those same shows when i do find time for thee 'ol tube. anyways, i came across the 10 o'clock news. i wont lie, im not a huge fan of the news. theres always some junk about angelina jolie receiving her fed ex overnighted kid or lindsey lohan having a snowball fight at some teeny bopper bash on. frankly, im just not interested. well, as i was about to change channels and proceed to the home shopping network (one of my faves, by the way) i heard a broadcaster make a bad sportsmanship remark in relation to football players. i became somewhat intrigued. now, im no expert on the matter ...heck, i know squat about thee 'ol pigskin. i thought john elway still played for the broncos lol

well, let me get to the point. what i'm about to share might offend some. honestly, i dont care. this is my electronic journal and my loyal 6 followers want the truth. i'm here to deliver lol ...schmucks over at the nfl gave so and so #1 much criticism because he asked so and so #2 to autograph a glove after a game after his team lost. WOW! i was at a loss for words. are you fuckin serious? us, over at the futbol stadium practice beautiful sportsmanship. ive witnessed players exchange sweat-soaked shirts after a game time and time again. its a sign of respect. not for one another but for the game. for the history of the game. ive heard everyone tell me J-E-T-S this, g-men that and i was becoming quite curious as to what the fuss was about. i'm over it (before i got under it, might i add) sorry, hateball fans. i'll continue rooting for jerry rice of the 49ers for now though.

if anyone wants to contribute to the growth of my blog and give me the names of so and so #1 and so and so #2, please do so. i'll change it promptly. they are athletes afterall and i, in no way whatsoever tend to degrade them in this post. these beans only smell like love.

-the editor in chief

holiday stocking stuffer ideas...

mom, sister, heck even grandma will agree!

-flavorless, courtesy of MARRIED TO THE MOB

groupie love

reconnect with why we all fell in love with this man in the first place....

-beans

my bf just called me meg

ahhhh finally off from work on a saturday and look at me. sleeping in to almost 3pm. nearly had my whole day stolen by the snooze gods. and to be honest, i wouldnt have minded it. i feel and look like complete crap. (i commented these exact words to him and he responds "ok,meg" lol damn him and his family guy reference wins) i suppose the only perfect aspect of this lazy saturday is waking up next to him. oh and the pancakes he promised to make me as i indulge in a 4pm breakfast ;) plan for today? drag myself out of bed, crawl into the bathroom and hopefully get to doing the last of my christmas shopping. hopefully reconnecting with the wolman rink staff as i plan to hit the ice tonight. excited, for that is an understatement. i like having things to look forward to. it keeps my mind off.........

........off what really has been getting to me. its been a bad week for me. absolutely horrid, quite frankly. ive been able to keep busy with work and getting as much sleep as possible, but it hasnt stopped me from waking up with crust-filled eyes from the dried tears cried in my sleep. even the simple things have been getting to me. i cant watch the simpsons or jeopardy anymore. it always takes me back to memories of him. my eyes grow watery and pain continues to stab the essence of my soul. it gets sharper and more frequent. i cant. i miss you more and more. i hate you for leaving us and am selfish for wanting to keep you.

oye mis llantos y mandame paz, hermanito lindo.

-tu negra

BLACK SWAN

how to convince him to go watch this one with me, i dont know (total chick flick, lets be serious lol) but it seems so dark and vivid at the same time. the wrestler and requiem for a dream rank among my favorite movies so im sure darren aronofsky wont allow this to fall short of genius. natalie portman and mila kunis not only look phenomenal, but i love seeing actors challenge themselves from their normal cookie-cutter everyday roles. im wildly enthusiastic about this one, fellow bloggers. check out the trailer if you havent done so already.

any new music worth checking out? i encourage any and all referrals.

-flavorless

dear santa,

"How have you been? How is your wife? I am not sure what I want for Christmas this year. Sometimes it is very hard to decide. Perhaps you should send me your catalog." -Linus

(Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales, 2002)

so, i've had a change of a heart. i know i ranted about getting the complete SEINFELD series in a earlier post, BUT its not what i truly need right now. ive been wanting a puppy for the longest time. i think im at a time in my life where i could actually dedicate my time and efforts into a pet. i've been dropping hints to mr elephant juice about it for quite some time. as a fellow dog lover, i assumed he would think it was a awesome idea, but i wont lie, he doubts me. his exact words were "you dont even remember to shower everyday. you cant get a dog" LOL well, i want one! BADLY. a white english bulldog to be exact. at a time where i just about gave up on the idea of loyalty, the only thing that will restore that hole is the companionship of "man's best friend." if all else fails, hand me a stamp. i have a pre-addressed letter to santa. a girl can still dream, right?

-beans

its off

for so long now, it has been a part of me,

for so long now, i have been distinguished by it,

for so long now, ive been hiding behind it.

...its off now. officially.

-mother cow